Troubled

It's the eve of Chinese New Year.
Initially, I, no doubt, was homesick.
My family doesn't really have a big celebration like everyone else. We merely had a simple meal together, once in a blue moon.
How should I express this?
My family is different. I would always look at other families and wish fervently about how nice it would be if we were... normal.
It was chaos, and it will always be.
I wondered if it is the right choice not to go back this year.
But a video call from my brother makes me see another side of things I once perceived as distorted.
Things were still out of shape, but better now.
It is chaos, but still I long for home.
Everyone has their side of story.
This is mine.

A Drabble - "The Cold"

So here's a drabble that I have written earlier this year in March. It's based on my experience. Simple and short, nothing special.

The Cold

The cold spread through the surface of my warm lips.

I exhaled in content as the cold calmed me. Yearning for more, I leaned forward and pressed my lips harder onto the cold.

In this humid night, this was all I need.

The cold grew hard and chilly, and my eyelids fluttered open.

My lips were against the concrete floor.  

Me.

the world is black and white. i can see no colour.

M.G.

(  feeling  ) ;  all alone      (  listening  ) ;  Akane Sasu - Aimer.     (  craving  ) ;  someone to hold me.

                        
behind the mask.

~A lonely person who craves for companion.

~Someone who doesn't like herself.

~Someone who desperately needs some social skills.

~Trying to seek the  lost gifts of writing and drawing.

~Seeks the meaning of life.

~Seeks for reasons to continue living.

~Hanging on for dear life in this catastrophic world.

❝ i don't want the world to see me,
because i don't think they'd understand.❞
▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁
✸▬ life savers.
  
Y u z u ┊  M u s i c  ┊  G o d
Yuzu: The only person who fills me with all sorts of emotions. with his astounding figure skating performances and wonderful personality.
Music: A soothing therapy which calms and heals my soul when I need it.
God: The rock of my salvation and the only reason I do not dare to do anything dumb -  Banished to hell is certainly not a good idea.

▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁  ▁
          

thank you.

     

profile credit : harlequin.

Cherry Blossoms

So my exams had just ended, and I found out that I had failed my Physics. Although that was already in my expectations, but I can't help but to feel a bit disappointed. I wasn't really good in pure science subjects. Right now, although the test paper isn't distributed back to us, I knew that I would get switched to Art site, or to other classes. The only subject I was good in is English, but I'm not that good or not that bad either. I would get switched to other classes for sure and I won't have any friends (I'm not that type of person who's good in socializing) and I might regret it later or I might not get a scholarship and...
Well, enough of my ramblings. This is my first blog post, and I'm planning to post a short story that I had written few weeks back. As I had mentioned, I'm not that good in English but I love writing. At least, that's what I think.
So here it is, "Cherry Blossoms". (It's a fanfic though.)

“It’s hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just enough to stab you in it…”

-Nicole Richle

Joonmyeon’s right palm was pressed onto his left abdomen as he trudged through the dense forest. The sound of crisp leaves and snapping twigs were blatantly heard as he trampled carelessly on them.

Ad he hustled himself along the forest track, he would take a glance or two behind from time to time to ensure that no one was tailing him. It seemed that he was in luck’s favour as not a single soul was on his tracks.

Joonmyeon quickened his pace as he knew that someone would catch up with him. He winced in pain as he stumbled on a huge tree root. Cursing under his breath, he stepped over the root with effort. Judging from his personality, he was a person who seldom curse or swear, but this time Joonmyeon didn’t mind anymore. What was the point of keeping yourself from cursing when your life was on stake?

It had been two to three hours – he wasn’t sure – since he had been caught in the current situation. Black and ominous shadows stretched across the ground, but he was far from afraid. To him, the people who were giving chase behind him were much worse.

He was energy-drained and couldn’t move as fast as he did in the first place; the bullet embedded in his abdomen caused it hard to do so. Blood was still gushing out from the wound with a quick flow. He felt dizzy and his vision was blurred at the edges, probably because of his loss of blood.

A strong and sudden dizziness surged through him; he tripped over something, lost his footing and fell heavily to the ground. This time, however, he wasn’t going to get up. The first thing was that he wouldn’t be able to, and the other thing was that he knew his time was coming. He looked into the night sky which was peppered with stars. Is Tao up there too? Joonmyeon couldn’t help but to wonder. The petal of a cherry blossom drifted past his face and onto the ground, and Joonmyeon realized that he was lying directly under a cherry blossom tree. A bitter smile made its way across his face. Tao loved cherry blossom trees.

Tao. Even mentioning his name caused an excruciating pain in his heart. Tao was the closest person to him, and the one who understood him the most. He was the one who broke down the barrier Joonmyeon built around himself, and gave him strength to love on. Tao was the only companion he had all along.

It was a pity, though, that Tao wouldn’t be coming back anymore. Losing Tao was like losing a part of himself., He felt like breaking down and crying, but the promise he made to Tao that he wouldn’t cry no matter what happens was engraved in his head. He certainly was not going to break his promise.

Joonmyeon blamed himself for all that had happened. It was his fault that everything had happened. If only he had listened to Tao that he shouldn’t trust anyone else. If only he had arrived in time. If only he had used his brain. Joonmyeon was utterly confused and his mind was in a flurry of motion; he had run out of ideas of what to do. Whenever he didn’t know what to do, Tao was the only person he would confide in. Tao was the sole reason he could be who he was now – the leader of one of the most dangerous gangs in Seoul.

The image of Tao being abducted was still etched vividly in his mind. “Come if you want him to live,” they had told him through an anonymous phone call. Joonmyeon did. Little did he know that it was all a trap set up; he was too anxious to consider that option. All he ever thought was about Tao’s safety. Their well known assassin, Himchan, had pulled the pistol on him the very moment he arrived. His heart pounded in fear when he saw Tao being bound and gagged right in front of him. Before he could take a step towards Tao, Himchan halted him right in his tracks. The very next thing he heard was the sound of a gunshot. Joonmyeon’s eyes widened in arrant surprise. The leader of the gang, Yongguk, had shot Tao in the head right in front of Joonmyeon with a smirk plastered on his face, as if he was just killing an annoying fly. Tao went limp instantaneously. Blood splattered all over the place.

Joonmyeon had struggled out of Himchan’s grasp and tried to get to Tao, but Himchan’s actions were far quicker. He had barely taken a couple of steps when Himchan raised his pistol, aimed it at him and pulled the trigger. Joonmyeon ducked just in time for the bullet to miss his heart, but the bullet had embedded itself in his abdomen instead. He doubled over and gasped in surprise and pain.

“Kill him,” Yongguk said, standing over him. “Be sure to leave no trace, though.” Joonmyeon could feel Yongguk’s eyes boring holes into him as he went on, “He has been in power for too long; now it’s time for us to take over.” 

Joonmyeon assumed that everyone must be sneering at him right at the moment; how would everyone laugh when they heard about how easily he, the leader of the gang which had a prominent power over most districts in Seoul, died. He didn’t know which was more painful – losing Tao, the bullet embedded in his abdomen, or losing his pride as the leader of his gang. But one thing was for certain. He wouldn’t die in B.A.P.’s hands. He would not, certainly, be a laughing stock.

Grinding his teeth and mustering his courage, he sprinted into the forest nearby. Joonmyeon heard shouts as the underlings of B.A.P. gave chase. But Joonmyeon knew the forest better and had managed to escape. And he had been on the run until now.

Joonmyeon gave an exhausted sigh as a gust of wind blew the cherry blossoms all about. Before Joonmyeon could register the breathtakingly beautiful scene in his mind, the unmistakable clicking sound of a pistol was heard. Joonmyeon looked up right into the barrel of a pistol. 

“I found him,” Himchan spoke into the walkie-talkie in his right hand. 

Joonmyeon knew what was coming. Slowly, he averted his gaze to the sky. His time had come finally. Soon he would be joining Tao. “I’m coming,” he whispered to no one in particular. An excruciating pain spread throughout his chest as Himchan fired. Before he closed his eyes and fell into Death’s embrace, he saw cherry blossoms spiraling all over in the air above him.

*****

Yongguk walked over to the other side of a dimly lit room. He dragged out a chair opposite of a person who was clad entirely in black and planted himself on it.

“You have done a good job,” Yongguk complimented, a sly smile spreading over his features, “You have prove yourself to be worthy. Now you can consider yourself as one of us.” 

“Thanks,” the other person replied with satisfaction. “You won’t regret your decision.”

Yongguk laughed silently. “Of course I won’t. Just make sure to be loyal to us and not betray us like you did to Joonmyeon.” With that, he pushed his chair backwards, stood up and strode out of the room.

The person in the room stayed still for a moment or two. A ghost of smile played on his lips as he ran his fingers over the freshly tattooed symbol embedded on the left of his upper arm, which was under a cherry blossom tattoo. 

“Too bad you are gone, Joonmyeon, or I might have enjoyed your company,” he murmured, the smile never leaving his lips.